5 Behaviors of Manipulative People

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Many of us like to think the best of people.  We like to think that they shoot straight and are forthright in their intentions.  We also like to believe that they will ask for what they want and not resort to crazy tactics to get it.  Unfortunately, however, there are times when we come across those who will do whatever it takes to get what they want..including manipulation. Being manipulated never feels good, but the worst part of manipulation is that often, we don’t even realize that it is happening.  Here are a few ways to know if someone is trying to manipulate you: 

•  Buttering You Up: To get their way, manipulators will often make you feel good so that they can then ask you to do something that they want.  The person may first compliment you or tell you what a wonderful job you did on something.  Making you feel good will, in their mind, make it difficult for you to say no…after all, you wouldn’t want to disappoint them or give them reason to think you didn’t deserve the compliment in the first place. What you can do: Return the compliments and the niceties before saying no.  

• Guilt: This doesn’t only pertain to Catholics and Jewish Mothers; guilt trips have been a successful manipulation tactic for centuries.  The saddest part of this strategy is that the victims of this tactic succumb to the manipulators’ demands because they feel they HAVE to, not because they WANT to.  In personal relationships, this sets up a co-dependency that is extremely unhealthy.  What you can do: Ask the individual if they want you to do something because you have to or because you want to.  If they say they want you to want to do it, tell them that you don’t and that they are trying to force you into something you don’t feel comfortable with.  

• Broken Record: Probably the most obvious of formats is the broken record tactic.  If a person asks you enough or pushes their agenda enough…constantly repeating the question or request over and over again…in slightly different ways, the victim will inevitably give in and give them what they want.  Oye!  What you can do: Ask the individual what they don’t understand about the word “no.”  Tell them that asking you over and over again isn’t going to change anything and that they are inappropriately over-stepping boundaries.  

• Selective Memory: This one gets me the most.  You swear you have a conversation about a plan and everyone is on the same page, and then one day, the manipulator pretends to remember the conversation completely differently, if at all.  What you can do: Record your conversations…seriously!  Okay, maybe not.  At least have a witness that you can count on to back you up if the person pulls this shenanigan.  Call them out on the fact that they conveniently change the game to fit their needs.  

• Bullying: If a person doesn’t get their way, they make you out to look or feel like the bad guy…like you are the wrong one.  What you can do: Be firm and tell them that their bullying tactics are inappropriate and unacceptable.

Keep your eyes open for these behaviors and continue to stand your ground to ensure that you aren’t a victim of manipulation.  Have you seen any other types of manipulative behavior?

source:  http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/life/5-behaviors-of-manipulative-people-549848/

Author: Brett Blumenthal - Sheer Balance

Cancer

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Have you ever felt so empty? in void? Have you ever tried drying out your tears but it keeps on falling down your face like there's no tomorrow. Have you ever felt imprisoned in an unseen bars with no way out? Have you ever felt that you are living for nothing? ......

DESIDERATA

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Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let not this blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore, be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams; it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful.

Strive to be happy.

Domestic Violence

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My student gave me this lyrics and sang it while we are talking about our view towards domestic violence. Its a song entitled "LUKA" by Suzanna Vega. When I read the lyrics without singing it,  I felt its overwhelming emotion. It reminds me of the effect of domestic violence to every victims specially to the young ones. And so I decided to post it to my blog site. I have included the video so there will be no problem if your not familiar with the song. Hope you will like it.

My name is Luka
I live on the second floor
I live upstairs from you
Yes I think you've seen me before
If you hear something late at night
Some kind of trouble. some kind of fight
Just don't ask me what it was
Just don't ask me what it was
Just don't ask me what it was
I think it's because I'm clumsy
I try not to talk too loud
Maybe it's because I'm crazy
I try not to act too proud
They only hit until you cry
And after that you don't ask why
You just don't argue anymore
You just don't argue anymore
You just don't argue anymore

Yes I think I'm okay
I walked into the door again
Well, if you ask that's what I'll say
And it's not your business anyway
I guess I'd like to be alone
With nothing broken, nothing thrown
Just don't ask me how I am
Just don't ask me how I am
Just don't ask me how I am

SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT

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If you're wondering why you are caught in the same problem over in over again and still can't solve it just easily as if you did not learn from the past mistakes, then preceding poem might enlighten you why. It helped me so might work for you as well. Read on and think about it....

There's a Hole in My Sidewalk

by Portia Nelson

I

I walk down the street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I fall in.

I am lost... I am helpless. 

It isn't my fault.

It takes forever to find my way out.

II

I walk down the same street. 

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I pretend I don't see it.

I fall in again.

I can't believe I am in the same place.

But, it isn't my fault.

It still take a long time to get out.

III

I walk down the same street. 

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I see it is there.

I still fall in. it's a habit.

My eyes are open.

I know where I am.

It is my fault. I get out immediately.

IV

I walk don the same street again.

 There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I walk around it.

V

I walk down another street.

They say history repeats itself. I say WE repeat the history. this poem tells us that we take responsibility of our lives....

What I Missed in Manila

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They question me whenever I miss Manila. They say it is much better in the province, less pollution, lesser cost of living allowance and a lot more, and I should not long to go back to a place where stress and pollution are dominant. They have a point but we are different individuals with different perspectives, motivation and intentions. And I believe that not all situation is applicable to all individuals, unless if we are talking about principles. And I have noticed that most of the oldies made their decision based on fear, especially when their children are involved. Anyway here's what I missed in Manila:

1. Language that I truly understand.
2. The friends that are truly my friends.
3. The Pandacan Congregation.
4. Park witnessing at the Baywalk.
5. My Bible studies.
6. More accessible to educational institution.
7. The rush.

A Newy!

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Hey! I am Michelle Sebastian. Technically, I am a novice in blogging. I do not claim to be am expert. I decided to get into blogging because I want to practice and improve my writing and grammar skills, widen my vocabulary and knowledge. This will also serve as a file to monitor my development as time passes by.

I would also like to share about myself and hope that I will be able to inspire you.